Paul Reed lukker en gammel rygsæk op, som han har taget som krigsbytte efter hårde kampe i Vietnams jungle. Tyve år efter han kom hjem. Her finder han en dagbog, som han får oversat. Den tilhører Nguyen van Nghia. På mirakuløs vis finder Paul Reed frem til Nguyen van Nghia. Han rejser til Vienam og afleverer dagbogen og de bliver de bedste venner. Den historie har jeg fortalt mange gange. Det er også en forsoningshistorie for mig selv, for jeg har selv næret had til de amerikanske soldater, som dræbte og hærgede i Vietnam fra 1965 til 1975. Jeg fik kontakt med Paul Reed, og vi blev venner. Og jeg kunne med glæde af og til skrive til ham og fortælle, at jeg nu igen havde genfortalt hans historie som det fremgår af email korrespondancen sidst i artiklen.
I min bog ”Den såkaldte krig mod terror” (Udgivet på Fredsforlaget 2006) har jeg skrevet en kort historie om forsoning efter Vietnamkrigen (s. 139). (Historien var skrevet så godt som muligt efter hukommelsen, da jeg ikke kunne genfinde den hjemmeside, den stod på). Heldigvis lykkedes det at finde kilden til historien, en hjemmeside om en International Forgiveness Day 7. august 2011, og via den fik jeg kontakt med Paul Reed.
I min bog stod historien meget kortfattet, så jeg skrev og spurgte om Paul Reeds mail adr. – og fik den. Vi skrev straks en række meget hjertelige mails sammen og Paul sendte mig en DVD med en dokumentar TV udsendelse om hans gribende møde med den fjende han troede at havde dræbt.
Paul Reed havde som utilpasset teenager som 18 årig meldt sig til hæren. En dreng, ikke engang udvokset, og fuldstændig uvidende om at han ville ende i Vietnams junglehelvede. Men i hans rekrut-tid eskalerede Vietnamkrigen (eller ”Den Amerikanske Krig”, som vietnameserne kalder den) Så i slutningen af træningen indgik det at lære at hade vietnameserne, de var bare ”gooks”, små dehumaniserede rotter, jo flere du slår ihjel jo bedre…
Da han kom ud i junglekrigen og oplevede sine nærmeste venner blive dræbt voksede hadet. Paul skrev hjem til sine forældre ”Jeg er blevet blodtørstig…” (Mom, don´t worry about anything, but you know what war does to a man. I´m getting bloodthirsty just like all those other airborne rangers, and the only NVA or VC I like to see is a dead one. That means so they can´t shoot back” – NVA: North Vietnamese Army, VC: VietCong) Min mening er, at enhver mor burde have veto-ret når det gælder om at sende hendes dreng i krig.
Under de meget hårde kampe om nogle bakketoppe i junglen ved Kontum havde Paul taget en rygsæk indeholdende bl.a en dagbog som souvenir fra en formodentlig falden viet-cong soldat, og sendt den hjem. Det eneste han kunne læse i dagbogen var navnet: Nguyen van Nghia ”I hated him. I knew that much about him. I hated him. And I hated all of them just like I hated him. He was just somebody I was trained to hate”
Da han kommer hjem til USA glemmer han alt om sin krigssouvenir. Men hans mor kan dårlig kende sin søn. Han er fyldt med vrede og had, men erkender ikke selv at han er traumatiseret efter krigen. Han får job som lastbilchauffør og kører altid rundt med et oversavet jagtgevær. Hvis nogen banker på døren får de det stukket i snuden. Et job varer aldrig længe, for han bliver altid hidsig og siger op.
Ligeså med hans ægteskaber. Han er gift et par gange, men det varer kun kort. Han når dog at få en søn, men er en dårlig far for drengen Silas, som aldrig føler sig elsket af sin far.
Mere end tyve år efter krigen finder Pauls mor dagbogen frem og ber ham se fortiden i øjnene. Han får oversat dagbogen ,og han opdager, at bæstet han har slået ihjel, er et menneske! De tanker der bliver udtrykt ligner hans egne, blot formet som smuk poesi. Han bliver dybt rørt over dagbogens digte og fortællinger og beslutter at rejse til Vietnam og aflevere dagbogen til den dræbtes familie. Stor er hans overraskelse, da han finder ud af, at den han troede at have dræbt, faktisk er i live! Der opstår et sandt venskab mellem de to mænd, og de tilgiver hinanden. Amerikaneren giver ham dagbogen tilbage, men Nguyen van Nghia kan ikke rigtig læse mere, for selv om han mirakuløst overlevede bajonetstikkene, så har hans øjne taget varig skade.
Vores amerikanske ven gør så det, at han med hjælp fra andre Vietnam-veteraner, inviterer sin gamle krigs-modpart til USA for at få øjnene opereret. Det lykkes for så vidt at han får briller, og nu kan han læse sin gamle dagbog. Vigtigst af alt er faktisk at lægerne opdager at Nguyen van Nghia har en hjertefejl, som han så får medicin for.
De to mænds syn og hjerter er på flere måder blevet gensidig healet. I en mail skriver Paul til mig:
There are pre and post-forgiveness reference periods I can pin-point. Without forgiveness it’d be impossible for me to have the wonderful, loving relationship I now have with my wife. I’m so blessed because of forgiveness. My hope for the entire world is that somehow they learn to let go and set themselves free.
Pauls store kærlighed er en kinesisk kvinde, én af de "gooks" han i sin rekruttid læte at hade.
Jeg sendte Gonzalo Vargas' tanker om tilgivelsens stadier til Paul, og han var forbavset over ligheden I deres opfattelser. Note 1
Som sagt sendte Paul mig en DVD med en TV dokumentar udsendelse om hans rejse tilbage til Vietnam for at konfrontere fortiden og møde hans gamle fjende. Jeg viste den straks for Gonzalo, og der hvor Paul Reed får glædestårer i øjnene, da han får at vide at hans gamle fjende er i live, og der hvor Paul siger til Nguyen: ”Kan du tilgive det jeg har gjort mod dig og dit land” og får svaret: ”JA, lad fortiden være fortid, lad os være venner” – der sad vi også med tårer i øjnene.
Paul Reed har skrevet en bog, Kontum Diary, som jeg købte meget billigt på Amazon. Her er også alle digtene fra Nguyens dagbog.
Jeg håber en dansk TV station vil tage historien op, for vores problemer med traumatiserede krigsveteraner er jo uhyggeligt store. De kan nok ikke gøre præcis som Paul Reed, men de kan måske lære, at det er vigtigt at arbejde for at lægge hadet bag sig.
Paul Reed har også fået healet forholdet til sin søn Silas, som siger: ”Nu har jeg en far, der altid vil være der for mig!”
Se i øvrigt Note 2)
Her er nogle af de digte som viste Paul Reed hans fjendes menneskelighed. Oversætteren sagde også til ham: ”This man is a good man. He is a family man”
I miss my mother, her warm smile
In the kitchen tending a fiery stove
On a starry night.
I recall the painful separation
Of a mother from her young son.
For not even a second have I abandoned my post.
I am here for my parents, braving the wind,
A proud soldier of this bridge, of my people.
My life is in the army
You are married to a soldier.
Lying here I miss you,
Aching throughout this winter night.
I cannot contain my desire to come home
As my annual ten-day leave draws near.
Sighing I count the days,
Pining for each next to come.
The colder the wind, the more I miss you.
Lying here this winter night, who can I tell all this to?
Midwatch, morning watch…
Sleepless nights pass, each watch grows longer.
Thoughts of seeing you still consume me.
Who can stand this war, this kind of life.
I find myself lamenting to the moon.
The more I think about you, the greater my sorrow.
We have missed out on so much.
Friends our age have raised families by now.
I envy them so, husband and wife working side by side each day.
They go to sleep, then awaken to the sight of each other.
They are like pairs of white doves.
While we each go our own lonely way.
I dream the resistance has won peace.
I lie next to you, whispering your name.
But you don´t answer me in my deep sleep.
Suddenly the rooster crows in morning watch;
We are both alone again.
My head clears, I again painfully realize.
It will be many months before I see you again.
I resign myself to endure to the end,
Until the country is reunified.
So I can come home.
Jeg holder meget af denne historie om de to krigere der mødes og forsones. En perle i samlingen! Jeg fortalte historien på engelsk to gange på Faxehus Efterskole i uge 6 2011 for to 10. klasser, som havde emnet ”terrorisme”. Jeg viste dem også den 16 min. lange TV dokumentar om Paul Reed og Nguyen van Nghia. Det var en fin oplevelse, som animerer mig til at arbejde videre med formidlingen af denne historie
Note 1: Gonzalos´s thoughts on the three stages of forgiveness
The process of forgiveness is triangular, it consists of 3 stages: 1) pre-forgiveness, 2) conscious forgiveness, 3) post-forgiveness. The three stages work together. Each individual is different, so there’s no given recipe for forgiveness. In the spirit of forgiveness there are always two parties involved. It’s important to know that all individuals are a product of various factors and that our personality is shaped in conjunction with the surroundings, which results in the making of a certain identity.
Stage 1: Pre-forgiveness
Mental reflection over the action, the person, the situation, the inner/outer universe, etc. At this stage the victim often experience an intense sense of alienation from self, which is the result of the assaults one has been through. The victim feels extreme alienation from himself and his surroundings. He often has a feeling of disintegration of his personality and self esteem. Certain feelings arise, that moves in opposition to each other. This stage is characterized by a very diffuse mental condition, which is why it is important to confront it, to get out of the valley of alienation. And this is done by thinking, because you are what you think.
There’s a battle between good and evil. This battle is within yourself, in your inner universe. The tool needed is: understanding. You need to gain insight into the human nature. The understanding of the relationship between the individual and the society is necessary to have during this stage, because it relates to the power position/structure.
Understanding makes it possible to understand what your antagonist understands. Through reflection you become aware that it is necessary to forgive in order to move on. You analyze your situation. At this stage it can play a role that you’ve heard stories of forgiveness. It can also be an important factor to have a religious or ideological background which includes the idea of forgiveness.
The stage which I call pre-forgiveness can be very hard to go through because it consists of going back to the assault and relieve the pain again and again. Many victims don’t manage this and give op. The consequence is living an anormal life in a normal society. But it is essential to go thought this stage and if you are not able to do it by yourself, you must get external help!
It’s a sad fact that a lot of victims don’t get help in time. The spirit of the time can be hard and has a certain uncaring attitude towards people whom have been tortured or abused. The great obstacle in regards to mutual understanding are the preconceived idea the two parties have of each other. You have to ask yourself a number of questions, such as, which mechanisms play a role, how is the antagonist shaped by his environment, culture, upbringing or religious or political indoctrination. Is the antagonist driven by a sexual urge? What are the antagonists unmet needs? Who or what is to blame for or has the responsibility for his actions? What kind of a system is able to turn normal people into tortures? The individual always has a free will, why this narcotic rush-like joy when feeling powerful?
And how to explain the strange interdependent relationship that evolves between the antagonist and the protagonist, where both feel a need for the other in order to survive/live? Really it’s about two poor souls who need to find each other on the road of suffering, because in the long run they both need to move on and release themselves from the chains of the past.
This is the most important stage in the process of forgiveness!
It is all about using our intellect to combat the instinctive urge for revenge. Forgiveness needs to be based on reason and not be an impulsive romantic feeling, because that can lead to a false sense of forgiveness. In the spirit of forgiveness you must use both your heart and your reason.
Stage 2: Conscious forgiveness
This is the fruit of forgiveness, which means you are now able to make the forgiveness conscious. You are now ready to forgive your antagonist and you do it consciously, because you’ve done a lot of reflection and have come to the conclusion that you both have been victims of an unjust system, where evil could thrive! Since both antagonist and protagonist have been alienated, it’s of the essence that the process involves both parties! I also find it’s very important to be able to communicate the forgiveness to the antagonist, to dare confront him personally and try and deliver the good message: “You are forgiven!” It is important to have a living horizontal (Horisontal? Skal man ligge nedJ??) dialog between the two parties. The act of forgiveness is often followed by spontaneous healing or you might experience a healing process starting for instance the ending of long periods of recurring nightmares. There are many accounts on that, scientific work ought to be done on the subject, which really is an expression of man’s ability to heal himself! It’s an expression of the fact that man is born good. We’re driven biologically to heal through love, not hate!” Through forgiveness and dialog one can reach the antagonist and through him the wider society. 1)
Stage 3: Post-forgiveness
The third stage is the last as it continues for the rest of your life. You have to keep updating your forgiveness and renew it. It’s a permanent process. At this stage it is very important to communicate this message to other people, to try and prevent these things happening in other places, and this is what I do when I go out to give talks to people. It is important to know that there is a latent antagonist in all of us. And that it is possible to fight evil without violence, without hatred, without revenge, but with understanding and forgiveness. The aftermath of the assault you are in the process of forgiving can last at long time and it is important to keep working with the forgiveness! 2)
Only forgiveness can save our society. The alternative is a stage of permanent violence, revenge and hatred which doesn’t solve any problems. If the vicious circle is not broken generation after generation must suffer under the heritage of violence, revenge and hatred.
1) “As expressed in the African UBUNTU philosophy, I believe Gonzalo is UBUNTO.” K.M.
2) As Lilly says in the beautiful movie “The Secret Life of Bees”: “Sometimes I wake up during the night and I have to forgive again!” K.M.
.
Note 2: Nguyen van Nghia
Nguyen van Nghia er en generation ældre end Paul Reed. Han kæmpede også i krigen mod de franske kolonitropper, som blev endeligt slået ved Dien Bien Phu i 1954. Herefter fulgte en periode med optrapning af amerikansk indblanding for at undgå befrielsesbevægelsens/kommunistisk magtovertagelse op til 1965 hvor krigen begyndte at eskalere og frem til Saigons fald i 1975 og USA’s endelig nederlag. Da var over 50.000 amerikanske soldater dræbt.
2 millioner vietnamesere blev dræbt, flest civile. Store områder i Vietnam blev forgiftet og gjort ubrugelige med ”Agent Orange”, en gift som amerikanerne brugte til at afløve træerne så befrielsesbevægelsens tropper ikke kunne gemme sig. Lige som andre krige var Vietnamkrigen naturligvis i høj grad styret af krigsindustrien, som tjente enorme profitter på at fremstille våben og bomber.
Daniel Elsberg var med sin whistleblower aktion med offentliggørelse af 7000 sider ”Pentagon Papers” med til at åbne offentlighedens øjne for de løgne, der bar propagandaen for krigen.
Trods massiv teknologisk overlegenhed og trods tæppebombardementer af enorme industriområder og landbrugsområder i Nordvietnam kunne vietnameserne ikke overvindes. Århundreder tilbage havde de flere gange slået kinesiske invasionshære. De var hårdføre soldater, og deres budhistiske tro på genfødsel betød, at de regnede med, at jo hårdere modgang de havde i dette liv, jo mere ville de blive belønnet i deres næste liv. El pueblo unido jamais sera vencido: Et forenet folk kan aldrig overvindes.
Email korrespondance
Sendt: 26. november 2011 07:39
Til: Cirkus Bella Donna
Emne: Re: Nguyen van Nghia
Hello Brother,
Have been so busy lately. One good friend passed away yesterday, it made me so sad.
On Thanksgiving day.
I’ve been writing a chapter for another mans book. It’s about the box that carried the Kontum Diary to the United States, and what my life would be like today had the box carrying the diary not made it to the US. Wow.
I’m grateful you are telling the Kontum Diary story. I wish I could be there to hear and meet your friends and kids.
Now, shortly, I’m going to begin working on a new book. It’s the Kontum Diary story again but this time the book will include both mine and Mr. Nghia’s stories. It will be a different telling of the story but the same story basically. Anyway, starting on that soon.
Just wanted to say how grateful I am you are continuing to tell the KD story – that makes my heart happy knowing that.
Thank you.
Much love to you from Lynn and I,
Paul Reed
(Note: Bogen udkom i 2021: Paul Reed: The Healing Box, When Flowers Again Bloom In The Killing Fields)
2011/11/14 Cirkus Bella Donna <cirkus@bella-donna.dk>
Dear brother Paul
I got so happy to hear from you. I told the kids exactly this: I write to Paul that I tell his story about the Kontum diary again, and he will write back and call me Brother! I tell you Paul, the kids about 20 14 years old, they listened so much, and never have I told the story of the Kontum Diary so much from the heart, and that makes a good story! Have you got a skype number? My skype is karsten.mathiasen2
Thank you for the good whishes. Same to you.
Love
karsten
Sendt: 9. november 2011 17:40
Til: Cirkus Bella Donna
Emne: Re: Nguyen van Nghia
Brother,
Not to keep you waiting for an email I send this to you today.
Right now, I’m not feeling good but am over the hump so to speak regarding sickness. My Internet connection at home is not working for the past week. Very upsetting with big American company that seems not to care, ugh.
I’m at an Internet cafe using their PC at the moment but will have to go home in a minute to rest.
I’m very happy you stay in touch. Perhaps soon I’ll have some really good news for you regarding the diary project.
Until then you take good care and I always enjoy getting word from y ou on your events.
Blessings, peace, happiness,
Paul Reed
On Tue, Nov 8, 2011 at 4:58 AM, Cirkus Bella Donna <cirkus@bella-donna.dk> wrote:
My dear brother!
How are you? I am a little anxious, since I did not hear from you after I answered your mail the 7.th of april.
My summer has been very buzy with circus jobs, renting out tents and storytelling. Now I am concentrated on storytelling an I am planning to tell the story of The Kontum Diary at a school tomorrow. I will always be gratefull for your sharing this story! And I am so gratefull for our exchange of mails.
Hope you and Lynn are well and happy.
Love and hugz
Karsten
Sendt: 4. april 2011 15:30
Til: Cirkus Bella Donna
Emne: Re: Nguyen van Nghia
How have you been, brother?
Hope everything going well with you.
Paul Reed
On Wed, Mar 16, 2011 at 4:42 AM, Cirkus Bella Donna <cirkus@bella-donna.dk> wrote:
Dear Brother Paul
Sorry I din“t write for a while. Her at spring time I always get buzy with lot of things. I am glad you liked the photos of our place. I would like very much to invite you and Lynn to visit us some day. If so, I think I should arrange for a seminar, where you can meet some Danish people working for peace and reconcilliation. Please send me some photos of you and Lynn and the place you live and eventually some favorite places of yours.
Love
Karsten
Sendt: 16. marts 2011 06:35
Til: Cirkus Bella Donna
Emne: Re: Nguyen van Nghia
Hello Brother,
Where are you lately, have not heard from you in a while.
Thank you for the beautiful photos of your place. They make me want to be there.
Feeling much better now.
And you?
Lots of love from us,
Paul & Lynn
So good hearing from you, my brother.
At the moment, Lynn has landed in China. Her brother died so she had an emergency trip there. It was extremely upsetting to her. As you may or may not know, the family is almost everything to mainland Chinese people. And since he was the second and last man, since her dad died a few years back, to pass away it’s very hard on her. But she still has me and I plan on being around a while yet so she should be alright. Together we make a wonderful couple, I’m so happy to have her in my life and I”m confident she would say the same regarding me.
I was unaware you liked to parachute. Did you know when I was in the army I also jumped b ut only have about 30 jumps – all static line, but 4 in Vietnam. Truth is, I really miss jumping. There is nothing better than floating to the earth on a calm day. Its beautiful.
Did you ever receive one of my DVD’s ? If so which one? Did the label say, “Kontum Diary: The Journey Home?
That would be the second film.
Please let me know, ok.
And do be safe in the plane and on your jumps.
Lots of love my dear friend,
Paul Reed
On Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 4:54 AM, Cirkus Bella Donna <cirkus@bella-donna.dk> wrote:
Dear Paul, my brother.
I hope you and Lynn are well and happy!
A couple of weeks ago I once again told your story. Now I have got some pictures from the event, – I send them now. It was a great storytelling event for peace. Once more the audience was very touched to hear your story.
Sorry for only writing shortly. I have a lot of preparation to do for the circus season starting and for my 60th birthday the 5th of april. I get greay, but I do not feel older. I think I will soon go prachuting, it is a couple of years since the last time. All in all I have got nearly 300 jumps, two of them from 6000 meters.
Love and hugs
Karsten
Note:
Link I Pauls mail 23.03.2012
http://www.vietvet.org/rapprec.htm
Area’s ‘fortunate son’ dies
From the Rappahannock Record, Kilmarnock Virgina, Thursday, May 19, 1994.
The Rappahannock Record is the local paper that serves Saluda, Virginia, the boyhood home of Lewis Jr.
Lewis B. Puller Jr., a war veteran, author, attorney, and graduate of Christchurch School in Middlesex County, died Wednesday, May 11, of an apparent suicide.
Puller, 48, was laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery on Monday with full military honors.
Puller’s autobiography, Fortunate Son: The Healing of a Vietnam Vet, won the 1992 Pulitzer Prize for autobiography. The book graphically chronicled his struggle to first overcome crippling injuries he received in 1968 during his tour of duty in Vietnam and later alcoholism.
A few months after arriving in Vietnam as a Marine infantry commander, Puller lost both legs, part of his left hand, and a thumb and forefinger on his right hand.
Puller wrote,
“If I could now summon the courage to forgive my government, to forgive those whose views and actions concerning the war differed from mine, and to forgive myself, I could perhaps move into the present, attain a degree of serenity, and find the reason from which I had been spared, first in Vietnam and then a second time, an alcoholic death”.
Puller, 48, was the son of Lt. General Lewis B. “Chesty” Puller Sr., whose heroism in the Pacific during World War II helped make him the most decorated U.S. Marine in history.
When his father retired in 1955, the Puller family moved to Saluda. His Mother, Mrs. Virginia Puller, still resides there.
Puller graduated from Christchurch School in 1962 and later from the College of William and Mary. He returned to Christchurch in 1992 as the school’s graduation speaker.
Christchurch headmaster Rev. Robert Phipps remembered Puller this week.
“Lewis Puller knew the answer to the question, ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’ The Christchurch School family is celebrating the life and mourning the death of one of her most popular sons. He is loved and honored for his service to his country.”
However, our respect goes beyond that, said Phipps.
“He is admired for his courage, his accomplishments, and for all that he gave to those in need. His service to veterans and to all folks who struggled with pain and massive obstacles is a model for each of us to strive to emulate.”
